Dedication: J.Lo as Rihanna on SNL
We’re not sure who gets the prize for best impression in this one but we DEF have to shout out our girl J.Lo as RiRi. The hair, the outfit, the adlibs: perfection. You know, sometimes we forget that J.Lo is an actress (please hold your laughter) and that this SNL gig could actually have occurred because they knew she could be funny. Not just the usual “I’m on this show because I got an album / movie coming out and have no skills whatsoever.” Wait what, she’s got an album coming out AND a movie? When? Really? NO WAY! IS JA RULE ON IT??!?! Hrmm…well does she at least use the N word again?!?! Sigh fine: we stand corrected. Also, we’d like to give props to SNL for having a funny skit this week. We would’ve dedicated “Ain’t it Funny” but its not about ya’ll. Check the dedication after the jump. -Judnick Mayard
Video: Rihanna, “Rude Boy” Live on AOL Sessions
You know what: this weekend we’re going out. Snowicane be damned! NO pants, ridiculous leotard, and some thigh-high Kirkwood for Rodarte metal spike heel boots. Forget this snow. Crush this ice with some major fashion hardware. Get our badda gyal posse together and burn this city down. Rude boys be forewarned! RiRi, we are inspired and we FUX WITH THIS!!!! Your live performance is getting there but come out with the Suite903 chicks this weekend. We’ll show you how to run this ish right here! Make sure you have health insurance though boo. We’ve been known to dance ourselves to injury. Sigh, small price to pay for being dancehall queens. -Judnick Mayard
Video: Rihanna, “Rude Boy”
We were pretty bummed last week when we missed the Bronx Dancehall Queen contest and even more disappointed when we found out it got shut down before the chicks could even pop off. That said, RiRi is obviously giving us major bashment vibes in this “Rude Boy” video. Not to mention vintage dance moves (THE BOGLE IS LIKE ’93). We’re not sure that this video isn’t in 3D (we left our custom Chanel polarized 3-D goggles at home) so somebody please let us know about that. Diplo tweeted, jokingly, last night that Rihanna should get off Major Lazer’s balls. We‘re not going to fire shots but this does remind us of a certain style that’s been M.I.A. from the music scene for a year or so but what exactly has RiRi done that’s ever been original. We do request that the Keith Haring-esque print body suit be sent to our suite and that RiRi maintain this swag in public. We love when she remembers that she is West Indian. Although for clarification there are NO safari animals in Barbados. -Judnick Mayard
CYRIOUSLY: Sex, Lies & Studio Sessions
(laugh)
When it all boils down, I’m still torn between trying to understand whether or not these “sex tapes” based off R&B singers are staged or legit.
In case you haven’t noticed, it’s “Return of the Mac……..” style with this posting, nothing but random thoughts splurged with R&B themes. Well, in all actuality I suppose we have yet to come across an R&B “sextape,” but the compilation of these Rihanna and Cassie photos which consumed the ‘net just a few months back is still damping my dome piece, so let’s roll with it, @CyrusKLanghorne.
Video: Rihanna Does “Redemption Song” on Oprah
As you likely know, Rihanna has covered Bob Marley’s “Redemption Song” with all proceeds going to the relief effort in Haiti. Yesterday she made her way on Oprah to play the song live, giving a moving performance that diverges from her bad girl image and puts some emotion in her music that doesn’t feel so prevalent these days. Check for Wyclef in the audience. To download this cover and donate to Haiti, go to Oprah.com.
Video: Rihanna f. Young Jeezy, “Hard”
WOW. WOW WOW WOW. RiRi amazes us on two different levels with this video. The good-amazing: HER OUTFITS. BOW DOWN TO HER STYLIST MARIEL HAENN FOR LIFE. The bad-amazing: um, did the people involved in making this video realize that the US is in an extended drawn-out war in the Middle East for sometimes dubious purposes and that President Obama recently opted to send more troops to Afghanistan who won’t be pulled out until 2011 (maybe)? And that the whole “CHILLING IN A DESERT PLAYING CARDS WITH YOUR BOYS” is not really what it’s like when you’re stationed outside Kabul? No? Well then. Props to them for being zeitgeistical. Song is still sick.
CYRIOUSLY: The Life & Times Of Christopher Maurice Brown
Every week, Cyrus Kyle Langhorne pulls no punches on the topics at hand. This week: Chris Brown’s oversharing problem.
(laugh)
Apologies Freeway-earrrrrrrrly for “attempting” to title drop something that does not automatically categorize me in the “another Chris Brown posting..ughh….” state of mind for some of the readers out thurrr…(c) Chingy, 2003
When it comes to music, common knowledge and du-rag giveaway hints would lead my judges to place me in the “he’s a rapppper” talks, but truth be told, I’m a music lover to the core. Sure, I might be able to spit a hot Biggie Smalls 16 bars off the dome piece while doing that Tony Yayo hand dance, but at the same time, I’m able to finish off by saying “…but you don’t hear me though” and then calling up wifey to soak up the hot tub and toss on some Al Green at the same time. (laugh)
Video: Kelis on Rihanna’s Swagger Jackin!
In Suite903 HQ, the style department has had copious discussions over the course of Rihanna’s “transformation” into “bad girl” about how heavily she was biting from Kelis. Don’t get us wrong, we love Ri Ri but Kelis is the OG wild woman and while anybody can steal her style, nobody can mimic her spirit. Finally, someone asked Kelis about this and she addresses it straight on with the class and confidence we’ve come to expect from her, while still totally shutting her down. She also talks about drunk twittering. Kelis you are baddd. Be our best friend. (via Bossip)
CYRIOUSLY: Alicia Keys & Beyonce are Back Like That
Remember back in the days? (c) Biggie Smalls…
Honestly, I had no idea how to play the PG-13 role with the above title. Thoughts slurred through my domepiece amongst the likes of “A** Like That” (Eminem), “Shake Ya A**” (Mystikal) and/or good ol’ “Donk(s)!” (Soulja Boy Tell Em)…well, why oh why would I be talking about backsides? Three words.
Alicia-Keys-Beyonce
The aim of this post? Funk a supergroup like Fabolous meets Ryan Leslie meets Ne-Yo, the gang needs to pony up and give the fans a one-two punch, throwback “Knock Out Kings” style with the two biggest names in R&B right now. Ciara ain’t selling? Funk her. Lloyd no longer on Murder Inc.? Funk him. Cherish who? Funk ‘em!
As advertisers continue to make it rain on rapper endorsement deals and try to toss shame at soon-to-be “has-beens” like Chris Brown, it brings the kid an uncontrollable urge to make a plea for the record labels to put their minds together and see my vision (via Suite903.com…owww….)
One, if not “the” biggest selling albums of 2008? Beyonce’s I Am…Sasha Fierce. Go back a year, 2007? Alicia Keys’ As I Am murks Larry Johnny and his grandmama’s hopes of seeing some teen sensation take over the R&B game. Point at hand? GET THOSE TWO A JOINT ALBUM TOGETHER!
We’ve already seen their chemistry with Jay-Z. Beyonce is wifed up with Hovi while Alicia Keys and Jay take over the entire radio game with their “Empire State of Mind” track, right? Shucks, even Beyonce had that “Deja Vu” record with the Greatest Rapper Alive, right? To make things even more interesting, think about it. Both of ‘em on an entire LP together? You’re guaranteed at least two guest features by Mr. Carter along with (take a wild guess) crazy production from a little guy called “Swwwizzzzy, man” (Swizz Beatz)…and with all the trials and tribulations they’ve gone through since their last albums dropped (Solange going Erykah Badu with the head, Kanye West VMA incident, Mashonda airing out ol’ girl)….the buzz around the project would be ridiculous…
Look, the sad truth is R&B is not what it used to be. Rihanna made a crazy comeback after the whole Chris Breezy incident and look, she comes in at number four with around 180,000 copies in its first week when Susan Boyle murders the top 20….no, the ENTIRE 2009 releases by pushing 700,000 her first week in the United States. So, if I may ever so kindly turn into a throwback George W. Bush right about now…
“Americans, R&B is at war right now. This is a state of emergency and the time to act is NOW. We have waited and seen our fellow R&B singers fall victim to label drops (Omarion), career-damaging rumors (Pleasure P) and just downright leaked XXX photos (Cassie). We will no longer tolerate this. May God bless us all.”
Alicia. Beyonce. America needs you two right now. If not for me, then at least for our country. No “Best of Both Worlds” or even an “Aliconce Kewles.” Just something along the likes of a 12-track compilation, even if you simply named it, “Best Of Us” or something you could use a Sharpie and write it on a CD-R demo disc. The time to act is now, please. R&B heads, let’s make this happen!
Holla if you hear me. -@CyrusKLanghorne
Dedication: Al B. Sure Could Teach Shy Ronnie How to Kill it… Softly
Rihanna’s new collaborator Shy Ronnie has a real problem with vocalizing his tracks into the mic (see above video). Not to get all Miss Jay with it, but we have some advice for the poor dude: take a cue from our favorite sensual mic master/shy whisper mic caresser Al B. Sure. Nobody caresses a mic like the original Ron Browz. For added swag, we would like to advise Shy Ronnie to ditch the stripey sweaters—you think Rihanna wants her Alex Wang sullied by ’70s couch hues?—and suit up in Sure’s late ’80s estilo, full denim and Docs. We are rooting for you dude!
