Chris Brown To The Fans: “Say Hello To The Bad Guy”

Just in case you guys thought it was a joke, nerp: Chris Brown is officially back and running things, as heard in his last-minute interview on New York radio station Hot 97 with radio personality Angie Martinez. From talking about his issues with Oprah Winfrey to revealing a conversation with Mr. “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” himself and Diddy, Breezy went IN like Rocky 5… step up your memory catalog folks!

“As a young black man myself, I need older black male role models to step in and kind of mold me. Not people bashing me, ’cause that’s not how you learn from mistakes,” Brown told Martinez about Will Smith and Diddy.

Granted, he could play the high road of someone in need of “help” like Banks and Hilson back in ‘06, but when it came to those rumors about Jay-Z blackballing him from the BET Awards 2009 show last June and the threats of bodily harm to his well-being….well, let’s just say Chris played his cards right on that answer.

“I don’t know and don’t think it was him,” Brown said. “I don’t got anything against homie.”

All in all, the video and audio files are going to circulate online faster than Norton Anti-Virus subscription renewal offers over the next few weeks, so take it for what it’s worth. Hate him or love him, Brown is determined to make it in this music industry, even if he has to go and get colored as the “bad guy” for his personal situation/domestic dispute with Rihanna.

From records with Lil Wayne (”Transformya”) and Juelz Santana (”Back Home”), this kid is looking to continue being under 21 sitting on mills… -Cyrus Kyle Langhorne

Rihanna’s “Kill Breezy Volume 1″

Rihanna is officially back for everyone out there thinking the “ella, ella” movement was long gone. While the blog scene is still catching their collective breaths—from those nude snapshots from last winter, TMZ x LAPD Confidential Police Photo leak and publicized domestic dispute hearings—everyone else is getting a glimpse of the “new and improved” RiRi… in other words, the return of the “R” is back and we’re not talkin’ Rakim.

Call it really good promotion on behalf of her staff or call it a smart overall game plan by her own means, but setting up a Twitter page with a one-liner which has also grasped over 54,000 follows in less than 24 hours? Incredible. Just for those of you who think the singer might be pulling a fast one, peep what she had to say:

“The Wait Is Ova. Nov 23 09″

End of story. ‘Nuff said. Salutations. In case you are wondering the significance of November 23rd (which is a Monday), it’s actually going to be one of the biggest days this upcoming holiday season with Lady Gaga, Timbaland, 50 Cent, Birdman and your girl, RiRi landing in stores with new albums. Coincidentally, while the others already have names to their projects, we’re still left wondering what title (Justin Timberlake) she has come up with so far…

While you all ponder that “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” journey, keep in mind…with only a Zorro meets “Playboy Night Calls” letter “R” being displayed on her Twitter page promising a return, this comeback will be far more greater than Uma Thurman from those Kill Bill films. Even though she won’t admit it, this good girl –> bad girl is out to prove a point…sell records? Yes. Regain an even larger sex appeal and media spolight? Yes. Make Chris “Breezy” Brown look like a sucker? You better believe it. Only time will tell and her new songs have yet to meet the inevitable industry leak..until then, Breezy…..watch out! –Cyrus Kyle Langhorne

Lloyd To Ciara: “Move B*tch, Get Out The Way!!!”

Just before we get into this, keep in mind: R&B is the new rap these days. Beefs between artists, singers getting dropped (we see you Omarion!), Chris Brown going Ike Turner, man oh man…word? And now this….Lloyd talking greasy as Church’s Chicken towards 50 Cent’s jump-off, the new Princess of R&B, Ciara.

Now Benzino might not be on the cover of Hip Hop Weekly, but we must warn…be wary of the words you’re getting ready to read…in other terms, be prepared to hear and see Lloyd dropping a Vimeo explanation of what he “really” meant soon. He told Hip Hop Weekly, “I don’t f**k with Hollywood b*tches and she’s like one of the chicks that’s just changed along the way with the fame and the money and all of that…I don’t really get down with her anymore on some real sh*t. The truth hurts, but it will set you free. But I wish her all the best.”

(LAUGH!!!) Are you (beep, beep beep like Missy) kidding me? In addition to calling her a “Hollywood B*tch” and saying she changed with the fame, he also elegantly states “the truth hurts” like he’s product-placing Dr. Dre and ‘ish…please. The Internet game is sticky these days and without artists saying their peace via an actual video, it gets pretty, pretty, prett-y (”Curb Your Enthusiasm” is back!) sticky with these situations.

However, not trying to leave you guys with an “R&B Meets Beef” feel, let’s take a second to shine light on Ciara’s upcoming album.

Now according to the good folks at Singersroom, ol’ girl is currently in the middle of putting together a new album where she has equipped The-Dream (isn’t he retiring soon?) and Tricky Stewart. The solo project is slated for an early 2010 release and contains about 14 records so far.

“She came out to L.A. to work with us. We’re out here making this record ’cause it feels good and the vibe is good,” Tricky said in an interview with Rap-Up. “This record obviously is gonna have tempo to it, but I think it’s gonna have even more substance than the last record…She dances and we always want to bring out what she does that other people don’t.”

With Lloyd tossing a few shots her way, Bow Wow a distant memory and sloppy record sales from “Fantasy Ride,” it should be interesting to see what goodies Ciara has to offer this next album up. (Just please, no more 50 Cent collaborations…EVER.) -Cyrus Kyle Langhorne

Chris Brown Experiences a Curious Case of Memento

(laugh) At this point it’s practically drop-dead hilarious, right? First everyone goes Wild N’ Crazy Kids over a 30-second clip of Chris Brown saying he doesn’t recall the assault against Rihanna. Now, just a few hours later…oh wait, YES! He has a sudden light bulb go off like Inspector Gadget over his head. All right, granted, we’re being a little too harsh on the little Ike, errr…”tike,” so let’s start from the beginning.

Monday (August 31) morning, a brief clip comes on giving fans a sneak peek of Chris Breezy’s upcoming “Larry King Live” interview. Okay, check. However, being the media and blogs are what they are…the clip was examined closely and we’re left with (thanks to some excerpts via CNN):

“When I look at it now, it’s just like, wow, like, I can’t… I can’t believe that… that actually happened.”

So maybe everyone took his self-shock a bit too serious and ran with it. In a matter of hours (moreso “minutes”), it was, “CHRIS BROWN FORGETS BEATING RIHANNA” and “CHRIS BROWN DOESN’T REMEMBER DOMESTIC DISPUTE” and so forth…well, needless to say…it would only take a few “Shorty Like Mine” ringtone alerts to his celly to break the news…hence (thanks MTV!):

“There have been reports on the Internet that I didn’t remember what happened that night with Rihanna,” a statement from Brown read. “I want to try and set things straight. That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one-hour interview during which that same question was asked something like four or five times—and when you look at the entire interview, you will see it is not representative of what I said. The first four times—I gave the same answer, which was that I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn’t fair to Rihanna. The fifth time—I just misspoke. I was asked, ‘Do you remember doing it?’ and I said, ‘No.’ Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can’t believe it happened because it is not me or who I am, nor is what happened like anything I have ever done before.” (via MTV)

So feeling like something out of a deleted scene from “24,” we got the most awkward and indirect retracted statement, if you can even call it that, straight from Chris Breezy. With an upcoming “Larry King Live” special airing on Wednesday (September 2), it should be great to see nonetheless. Not only will he be rocking the baby blue Pee Wee Herman bowtie and sweater, but Breezy is also going to have Mom Dukes (aka Joyce Hawkins) and that bad mother…(shut your mouth) lawyer, Mark Geragos, leading him the entire way through the laid back player, LK…aka Larry King to you and yours.

With hope sprinkled in our cups of SmartWater and the laptops ready to blog about Breezy, the 24-hour countdown has officially begun! —Cyrus Kyle Langhorne

Chris Breezy Is Freezy

Ha! And most of you all were thinking Akon’s “Lock’d Up” when those felony charges were mentioned last February about Chris Brown Ike Turnin’ Rihanna, right? Well, fast-forward to a non-confirmed released date for Rebirth, Brown losing out on Wrigley’s Gum commercial money and Michael Jackson’s passing…well, you pretty much end up here…with Chris Breezy ATL skatin’ home free with five years’ probation from his domestic dispute case.

Not taking sides at all, but let’s break down some of the facts from the ruling on Tuesday (August 25). Out of all the publicity he received, the singer snags five years probation, 180 days community labor, must stay at least 50 yards away from RiRi until 2014 (anybody detect cyber sex?), and cannot carry any dangerous weapon…including a Child’s Play knife or Rambo-type gun. Who might have laid the smackdown on this ruling? None other than Los Angeles Judge Patricia Schnegg who shared some final words with Breezy:

“You are going to be placed on formal felony probation for a period of sixty months,” Schnegg told Brown. “I’m going to keep probation to be supervised by state of California with Mr. Brown performing his domestic violence counseling and community labor in the state of Virginia.” (via E! Online)

Ouch…suppose it could have been worse….Brown may have gone to celebrity prison (since he is an adult) where he could have met someone named RiRi minus the looks of a female, though…well, here’s some more fun facts you guys may want to know about Brown’s ruling courtesy of good ol’ TMZ:

“He must provide DNA samples as requested by authorities. Brown must also keep in touch with the Probation Department and is subject to search and seizure 24/7 for the next 5 years. He can’t own any dangerous weapon, including guns or knives. Brown must pay $2,500 in restitution and another $2,500 in probation expenses. He must also pay a $30 criminal conviction fee –BARGAIN! He must also pay $400 that goes into a domestic violence fund. Brown must get prior approval before leaving the country.”

You’re one of the biggest selling male singers in the game today? Gone. You have one of the hottest relationships with one of the biggest selling female singers in the game today? Gone (thanks to cough cough…Drake…..cough cough….). You were frustratingly featured on cuts after cuts of mainstream artists’ records? Gone (well, Yung Joc still 143’s you). We could mention a grip of more “L’s” Breezy caught, but that’d be too much…all in all, time will tell…but for now, Breezy is on watch. Sounds like a Ustream broadcast should be starting in 5…4….3….2….. –Cyrus Kyle Langhorne

Sean Kingston On Chris Brown: “Dey Boy Be Good”

Well, okay…our Jamaican accent is more off point than a baller with a handle, but Sean Kingston has big love for the homie Chris Brown. From alleged blacklists to even more alleged rumors that Rihanna’s got hitmen running and gunning on C. Breezy, it took a babyface (pause) with more suspect gold chains than hits to calm everyone down. In a recent interview with Rap-Up, the rude boy told folks to chillax and mind their own when it comes to judging public figures like Brown and RiRi: “At the end of the day, he’s human. People make mistakes. Let it go. I don’t [believe] in somebody beating a woman, but we don’t know what happened in that car. All I’m gonna say is let the man be him.”

Finally…it took a grip of conversations but the 19-year-old hit the Jamaican patty right on the crust, back the funk up on some Onyx type stuff and don’t become so involved. At the end of the day, Breezy is due back in court at the end of the month to see what type of “punishment” (‘Doug’s’ Roger saw tougher rulings…) he will receive from the assault charges against Ms. “Umbrella, ella, ella.” And if that wasn’t enough, he even dropped the apology video late last month…I wonder what Kingston thought of it…. “He sent the apology out,” the singer added. “I could tell it came from his heart, so they should give him another chance.”

Sure, we try out best not to offer bias and opinionated err…”opinions,” but the bottom line…whether we want to admit it or not…Brown and Rihanna are not “kids.” Come on folks, when it all went down, Rihanna was old enough to cop a Jack Daniels on “Ladies Night” and Breezy could have suited up for war…(and we’re not talking Call of Duty, either…), so leave the kiddy stuff with “Rugrats.” Of course there are a million (well, maybe a hundred) artists and public figures who continue to weigh in on the situation, but Kingston wraps it up ever so nicely…just go ‘bout your normal routine and let them work it out…their albums are still going to sky rocket, sex appeal will be past a hundred, thousand, trillion and they will still be stuck with Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston meets Ike and Tina Turner comparisons on night shows and within inner circles…so laugh it off and be easy!

(For those of you eager to “Stan” Breezy, he’s due back in court for sentencing on Thursday, August 27th…get your photoshop ready!)—Cyrus Kyle Langhorne

Chris Brown Versus Drake, Lil Wayne As Special Guest Referee

Could it all be so simple? Forget battle of the sexes, looks like Chris Brown and Drake might be going at it indirectly (pause?) with the help of Lil Wayne. Now by this point everyone (grandmothers included) should know your sister’s favorite rap meets R&B star Drizzy has been placed on the disabled list and is sitting out his first major tour alongside Lil Wayne. Well, call it just a good ol’ coincidence (“ha, not likely…”) that Wayne happened to stop in Virginia where none other than Chris Brown was brought onstage to perform…yup, you guessed it, DRAKE’s “Best I Ever Had.”

Now of course it was a bit informal as his microphone seemed to almost be muted, but hearing Wayne say “Make some noise for Chris Breezy,” well, seems like the Young Money CEO is either hilariously smart or just trying to give fans something he knew they’d love to see….And remember, both Wayne and Brown have done records together, including “Poppin” and “Gimme That,” so it’s no surprise they are close. (pause again…)

However, with the return of Brown…well, he’s adopted a raplike persona, something along the lines of a Lil Zane (throwback!) or even a more lyrical version of Bow Wow…rapping over records (yes, “rapping”) like “I’m Illy” and then the constant cursing…hhmm. Should Drake be worried? We’ll see if Wayne continues to pull more hats out of his bag in the form of Brown as Drake continues to heal from Canada…but if that’s the case, please believe…Drake may be making some three-way calls to Joe Budden and The Game for battle verses! —Cyrus Kyle Langhorne

Chris Brown “Apologizes” for “The Incident”

Well, Ol’ Breezy finally issued his apology for abusing Rihanna, though there was something wooden and weirdly aggressive about his performance, right? Also, what do you think about the shirt he’s wearing?! We’re thinking he recently watched PeeWee’s Big Adventure.